Monday, October 29, 2007

Hate the sin, not the sinner

Where to start...
Last night I got hungry. This directly followed being thirsty, and consuming several glasses of bourban and coke. Driving as out of the question - I wasn't going to lose my probationary license on the eve of gaining my full license - yet the thought of deep fried, salty junk food was overpowering.

The obvious answer? Throw my roller-blades on. I harnessed the dogs up, strapped a torch to their collars and a few glow in the dark bracelets I had left over from when I was 13, and off I went - down hill, all the way. I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life, but luckily I made it with moments to spare before Hungry Jacks shut for the night.

I have no idea why I was peckish - I'd cooked a roast for lunch. I say I cooked it, when really the Chef was was in the process of tricking me into eating a pig. You see, before I met him, I was a vegetarian for close to 11 years, and didn't relish the idea of starting to eat animals again. I soon realized I simply would not get fed if I did not consume meat. But I drew the line at anything other than chicken and fish.

So yesterday when I pulled the bird from the oven, I was horrified at the color - it was a greasy greyish pink, and I clearly thought it had a case of salmonella. And then it dawned on me - Chef had been very sneaky in his wrapping it in tin foil and the whole smothering a chicken in apple sauce seemed rather odd. I did at least attempt eating it - I got as far as putting my fork near it, then vomiting in my mouth a little. So I just did what I relied on as a child - I cut it up into lots of little pieces, and hid it under all the other things on my plate I refused to eat.

This afternoon, all three bank cards were declined at VicRoads. No money, no license. Eeep.
So, again to something I relied on as a child - calling my father when I need cash. I met him in some seedy park, and he handed over double what I needed. It was rather shocking, actually - and there was no snide comments about payment plans. I still felt like I was performiong some illicit drug deal, but all that aside, I finally got my license. And it is hideous. Truly awful. I look like an overweight version of my mother, which isn't a bad thing, just slightly shocking to see.
I have every intention of leaving my license somewhere near an underage girl loitering near a pub somewhere, and going through the entire process again, until I get some I.D I am actually smiling in.

Comment of the day? After several hours deliberation on what to wear in my new photo I.D and finally settling on a cute summer dress, I clambered out the car to my father saying "can't you afford any clothes?"

Now playing: Robbie Williams - Sin Sin Sin
via FoxyTunes

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