I should really implement calcium in my diet.

I chipped my elbow last night. I'll give you a run down on the other bones I've broken, fractured or somehow mangled. In order.

When I was 7, I was playing catch with a friend and broke my finger catching the ball. I wont even pretend it was some sort of cricket ball or anything remotely hard and rubbery.

A year or so later I tripped over my own shoe and landed in the soft, waist length grass... and broke my wrist.

A little while later, I was riding a dressage test in the arena on my favorite pony and failed to notice he was going to shy at a fallen tree. He went left, I went right, and landed on the point of my shoulder. I then unsaddled, washed, brushed and fed the pony before leaving and pretending all the while I was fine. Mum knew I wasn't the moment she picked me up, as I immediately asked to go to the hospital, which I generally avoid like the plague.

I was fine for several years, until I broke a rib on the right hand side mucking around with my mates on a bus. I did the same rib on the other side a few years later, again being silly on a bus.

Then I went to England and played soccer - bare foot - with my ten year old cousin, and subsequently missed the ball, connected with the ground and broke four bones in my foot. There's still the hideously deformed lumps on my feet to this day.

A year later, my ex boyfriend elbowed me in the face and cracked my cheek bone. Ouch.

That was my last broken bone - well, the past two years I've dislocated my shoulder about 12 times, simply from sleeping funny. I can't imagine how this happens; I eat about a kilo of cheese a day.

And then last night happened.

I fell off the couch. On the point of my elbow. Ouch again.