My posts have been a bit thin on the ground recently for a reason. My lease is ending on the 8th Feb (Thank the Lord. Honestly. I've been fighting for this for 9 months, since the day my fence fell down and I haven't been able to leave the house as the dogs go play on the freeway if left outside to urinate).
So each and every day I have been driving the 45 minutes (on a good run) to my intended area to live to inspect houses. In between driving time, getting colossally lost and wishing there were more bridges/bottle shops in the area when it's all too much, I have to deal with trying to contact the agent. The only remotely decent houses seem to have misplaced keys, have estate agents whom are still on their Summer holidays or are simply so terrible at their job they cannot be arsed arranging a time to view the property.
And then there's been the ones I have managed to inspect. Let's just say I can soon see myself packing my stuff into self storage and moving in with the dogs in something much like the above.
"Bright and Airy" was dank and mouldy, with no room for a double bed in the bedroom - which with it's lack of door seemed suspiciously like the living room - and was situated next to what appeared to be a fourteen year old mother with her mechanic boyfriend. The spare tires and slashed kiddies pools littering the front garden gave me this hint.
"Sophisticated and stylish" was actually an entirely different house to the photograph listed and had graffiti adorning the fence, and seemed to have been built into a chalk pit.
"Ideal family home with room to move" had waist high grass and had floors entirely covered in KFC Family Feast Buckets and empty beer bottles, and sadly this is my best option so far.
Today I had the joy of a tour around "Privately Secure"s polished floorboards, which was actually where the previous tenants had removed all the carpet and then spilled - at best coffee, but more realistically urine - on the floor. The cosy kitchen was actually completely unsanitary, and the rest of the building was complete with spiders and artistic designs on the walls, care of an insane toddler. It also boasted no door handles on any cupboards.
I just don't understand estate agents - or more to the point, their photographers - who seem to enter the homes with soft lenses on their cameras and a fiendish way of finding attractive angles on a kitchen pantry with no slats, to make it look like something a professional restaurant would salivate over. As for the agents themselves, they must be super fun to have around the festive season and especially when they unwrap the obligatory pair of woolly socks- they really do get excited over some absolute crap, banging on about light filled rooms and frothing at the mouth over cozy dining areas, when it's plain to anyone with half an eyeball the place needs to be condemned.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
by the wonderful k a t i e at 9:56 PM