As I suspected.

Me: (*attempting to shove Chef into a bollard*) Ha ha!

Chef: You're so mean.

Me: You're just jealous because I'm more fun than you. (*deathly hush whilst pondering the conversation that has been the bane of my existence*). Wait. Do you think I don't know how to express affection?

Chef: Ha! Yes! You're like a six year old in a playground. I'm surprised you haven't pushed me in a puddle, sat on my head and rubbed sand in my face....Wait! That's right...you already have!

Me: *bashes him with the shopping bag and skips off home*