Just...don't tell me.

Do you ever hear the answers to questions you don't really want to ask?

It feels like lately there's been one thing after another I just simply don't know how to begin processing. I don't know whether the way I feel is a direct correlation to having a few too many hang ups or unrealistic expectations; all I know is I feel shitty when I learn of instances that push my moral boundaries.

Yes, I actually have some.

This whole getting older thing is never as much fun as I thought it would be, and it's times like these I'd simply rather move far, far away than actually grow up (which I believe is commonly known as 'running away').

Still, life's not supposed to be easy, or any other revolting cliche of the sort. I guess tomorrow's another day, and hopefully not another revelation that makes me question my self belief. Until then...goodnight, y'all.

Just FYI.

Re: This post from Melisa.

I love:

Singing to Benny & The Jets as we cruise with the roof down = Freshly picked roses with my morning coffee = Beautiful eyes = Squealing like a child in Kmart = Lazy 'Sick Days' in bed = Singing to V while painting in the sun = Honesty = V hips = Thousands of memories of magic days in Vanuatu = Putting on sunscreen = Early morning text messages = Still being that little bit shorter, even in my heels = Offers to be rubbed with Vicks when I'm sick = Cruisy evenings eating noodles while watching movies = Respect = Procrastination trips to Bunnings = Breaking into a grin every time I hear him say 'hello' on a voicemail = Holding hands while we shop = Talking random nonsense for hours at a time = Sahara loving him unconditionally = Drunken chats = Finding an amazing new friend = Enchiladas = Back scratches = Singing to V Channel as we paint in the sun = Being accepted = Falling in love at the very first kiss = And more than anything...the feeling of complete and utter support, respect and love each and every time we are together.

Updatus.

Although I mentioned I shant be posting anything of significance, I still have the urge to blog whilst I set up my other site (which is taking a long, long time as I'm hardly home to use the internets these days). So, to waste some time before I drag my cold-ridden and weary body to the shopping centre, here's a general update.

* I have an 'inspection' with a prospective landlord tonight. I put in my application for the house last Thursday, and have been quietly hoping I'd get a call - and when I did, it was from the estate agent asking if I would mind meeting the owner of the property. Presumably, it's to make sure I'm not an tattoo-covered, axe-wielding maniac with a penchant for smashing other peoples property. Fingers crossed she likes me, and gives me the keys to her home. ASAP.

* One of the tiny kittens, Milwaukee (the black & white one) is very sick with 'flu. I got an eyedropper from the vet this morning when I took Cleo in for her microchip, and have been hand-feeding him with mashed up meat and kitten milk with his medications, as he's not able to eat. I have a bit of a crush on him, and have considered not taking him back to the RSPCA when he's up to weight...

* Whilst I was at the vets, I bought Cleo the most gorgeous patent leather, hot pink Chanel collar. It has two bells on it now, to stop her from bringing down wildlife and leaving, half-masticated bird wings on the back step.

*** Friday***

The meeting went well...and I have my new house! I sign all official documents Monday, and move in sometime this week :) 3 bedrooms, air con, dishwasher, gas ducted heating, a completely secure yard for the dogs and a nice big bath...could a girl want any more? (except, of course, a completely sane and reliable housemate to share bills with...we'll get cracking on that one soon!).

So. SO. Excited. Beyond excited. Absofuckinglutely thrilled to be making a fresh start and being able to put all the crap that has haunted me for the past few months (and more) behind me. And, of course, having complete and utter control over what I can and cannot do and display in my very own home. My brand spanking new metallic silver garden gnome is taking pride of place on my new mantel - and NO one has the right to tell me it's ugly. Success!

Heads Up.

Just so you're all aware, I will be posting nothing of significance for the foreseeable future. I will be shutting this blog down shortly, and will be inviting people to read a privatized version once my new blog is set up. If you would like an invitation or an explanation, please feel free to either leave a comment, or contact me directly via email.

That is all.

I can has cheeseburger?

Chicago, Philadelphia & Milwaukee

It took me slightly longer than intended, but my plan has worked.
Chicago, Philadelphia & Milwaukee came home with me from work this afternoon; three tiny kittens needing foster care who are orphaned and homeless from the bush fires. Currently, Milwaukee is stuck somewhere up the back of the washing machine hiding, Philly is attempting to blend into the cushions on the couch and hissing at anything that moves, and Chicago, my little tiger kitty, is hanging gleefully off Sahara's face and trying to eat my Subway. She's by far the most confidant - and cheekiest.
Could she be any cuter?
Sahara hasn't stopped smiling since they arrived. And tonight, we're off out to a dog friendly pub for dinner. I'm going to pretend I'm back in England, and casually stepping into the Snug in a small village pub as we step carefully over various assembled lurchers and collies like I used to.

Head State: Bad.

Can you tell someone's caught on to my general mood? She looks how I feel.

I called the vet surgery this morning, and discussed price, wait period, Sahara's recovery time and so forth. Unfortunately, I called so early the surgeon wasn't actually at work yet, and spoke only to the receptionist. She's having an intern call me back later this afternoon with more information, and I tentatively made an appointment for the 12th of March. My brain is so busy in overload trying to work out solutions to this problem that I completely overlooked the fact that is the day I go in for my own surgery. I almost canceled it, before realizing the backlash I would receive from my mother and others about not having my cancer removed before dealing with Sahara. Hmmm.

Whilst I await his call, I'm still busy having a meltdown trying to work out what to do. The surgery will be a minimum of $2000 - money I don't have, and money that was going to be spent on moving my ass from the festering shithole of a situation I am currently in. Because I am an enormous drama queen, my first thoughts were simply "I can't do this". After having a good sleep, despite Sahara waking me up three times as she wasn't feeling well due the new anti-inflammatory and pain relief medication she's on, I was still practically ready to do myself in this morning. I'm finding it super difficult to find any sort of resolution to this, and as a result, it's making me want to curl in a ball and not wake up until it's all fixed - after having a massive strop, calling it quits with Cam and sulking about the fact I'm going to be forever indebted to Chef, naturally. I came pretty close to doing said strop, curl and sulk. Stuff like this makes me wonder why it is I think I can have those things I want - an amazing relationship with someone I love wholeheartedly, a new house where I'm not constantly referred to as 'fat' every day and guilt tripped each time I leave, and so on and so forth.

So, instead of focusing on that, I am currently on hold with someone who I think can - if not remotely help my current situation in regards to the cost of surgery - help out Sahara's mental state - and my own - in the meantime. A happy puppy makes for a slightly less hysterical Katie. If I can manage to pull this off this afternoon, I shall post photos of the outcome. Here's one to make y'all smile meanwhile.

"Aaaaargh! Another vet visit!'

My girl...

...went to the vet today. She's done the impossible. Not only has she fully ruptured the same cruciate ligament twice, she's not torn the most important part of her joint, the meniscus. As a result, she's being referred to a doggy orthopedic surgeon, who will be able to perform the arthroscopic surgery to remove said meniscus.

I have written out three enormous blogs detailing exactly how distraught I am, and none can come close to describing it.

I am absolutely devastated.

My blogs don't write themselves, damnit.

It feels like forever and a day since I last posted - mainly because I've hardly been home long enough to do so. Things are what might best be described as fucking unbearable tense at home, and thus, I am practically living in my car and at Cam's. I'm getting to the beyond desperate stage to finally move out; and have been busily searching online for any form of accommodation that might house myself and my children in any vaguely respectable areas. As such, I haven't had a great deal of luck.

In between that, re-doing my application for school (ah, I mentioned previously nothing runs smoothly, no? This is one I hope will be fixed today, so I can devote my time fully to the vast amounts of homework I shall receive from my Journalism class today) and experiencing some sort of nesting instinct in which I am cleaning out all the crap under my bed in preparation for said move; I've been having a great time.

Saturday morning found me awake at an ungodly hour, shoving myself unceremoniously into Cam's car (and managing to break the strap off my favorite dress in the process) and making our way ever closer to meet Cam's mother. I did my fair share of shaking in my boots at the prospect, which turned out to be completely unfounded as both her and her partner are absolutely lovely.

We had a late breakfast with them before Cam and I headed down The Great Ocean road; roof down, watching the sun sparkle and shine over the water while we sang along loudly and tonelessly to Benny & The Jets as we cruised. We stopped off at a gorgeous little pub overlooking Wye River, and had some lovely wine as we picked the winners for the days races. I do love me a man who plies me with alcohol at the beach and knows how to read a form guide.

We spent the evening on the deck in front of the pot bellied stove, watching a Sex & The City marathon, eating possibly the best curry I've ever had and smashing down a few more bottles of wine. Heaven, no?

After an early morning walk along the cliffs at Anglesea to have coffee in town, we again moved out on to the deck to enjoy breakfast in the sun and read the morning papers. A little while later, we became immersed in the live coverage of the Australia's Day Of Mourning concert, which was just heartbreaking. I haven't spoken to a single person that hasn't been affected by it in some way, directly or not - everyone knows someone who lost homes, friends or family, and the loss and devastation are still so real. It's been amazing how the community has come together; but there's still the feeling of hopelessness at not being able to help more. With the weather forecast to hit 38c later this week, there's still the threat the situation is only going to get worse.

Not long after the concert finished, we packed up and made our way home - taking the ferry from Queenscliff; another amazing experience to add to my list of things I've never before done. It was a gorgeous day, and we had a bit of fun choosing which enormous mansion we'd like best as we docked in Sorrento.

Luckily for me, Sarah was 'sick' on Monday, and we decided the best way to ease her 'headache' was a lovely paddle with the dogs at the foreshore in the morning. The new puppy, Ruby, had a bit of fun learning how to swim, and I was soon immersed in the water taking photos of her in the gorgeous morning sunshine. After we'd dried off slightly, we made our way to our favorite cafe and had chocolate milkshakes with our breakfast while we chatted the morning away. As time was ticking by, we decided to head to Petstock to get a correction chain for Ruby, and naturally got delayed by a few hours as we had fun playing dress ups with Phoenix and making a a list of things I plan on purchasing later this morning - most of which include toys and accessories for the finches bird cage, in a vain attempt to make them interested in anything other than sodomizing each other.

Last night, after an afternoon spent starting my quest to remove all surplus crap from my living quarters (and, inevitably, getting sidetracked looking at all the photos/letters and wondering why there were random screwdrivers and hot pink shoes I'd forgotten I'd ever purchased taking up residence under my bed), Sarah and I made a brief call to Cam's sisters house, to have a good look around and check the fencing would be adequate for the kids. I have every intention of putting in a rental application for it when they move into their new home, but am now slightly worried at the lack of storage space, and wondering where my shoe collection will live due to aforementioned lack of cupboards. Hmmm. We had planned to call in on the way to view a new dog training club we are interested in joining, and got slightly delayed playing with Cam's gorgeous niece - which turned out fine, as no one bothered to arrive to actually take the obedience class we were going to sit in on. Me thinks we'll be crossing that one off the list.

The busyness continues for the rest of this week - with a single night off to start my packing tomorrow night - as I have a celebratory night @ TGI's on Friday, a roadtrip home on Saturday with the kids and my man, and dog training followed by a BBQ with Cam's friends on Sunday. All I have to do is get through today...

This morning (after my little expedition to pick up the items I have on hold @ Petstock), I've got to hurriedly write a two page cover letter to my education provider, detailing exactly why they should choose to accept me (although, technically, they already have...), what classes I'd like to take (although, technically, I've already been going to them...) and why it is I think I shall excel in Professional Writing and Editing (although, tech...no, wait - this is the problematic one) before I mosey on down for my Journalism class. After school, I've been invited to Cam's sister's for dinner with them and his father, but before that Sahara has a return visit to the vet (she ain't gettin' no better, sigh) and Cleo is having her microchip implanted. I can potentially see myself arriving to dinner, sans limbs and bleeding from my remaining stumps as Cleo's not a huge fan of the vets. But, to be honest, she does look darling sitting in my handbag in the waiting room. I still haven't gotten that darn pet carrier...something else to add to my list of goodies to get from the pet store, which I need to get to... right now, if I have any chance of getting any work done this morning.

Hope y'all have a lovely weekend, and Vanuatu: Day IIII will be coming shortly, I promise. Just need to find a spare hour or two...

Kids.

- Sahara -

- Cleo -

- Phoenix -