Thursday, February 26, 2009

Head State: Bad.

Can you tell someone's caught on to my general mood? She looks how I feel.

I called the vet surgery this morning, and discussed price, wait period, Sahara's recovery time and so forth. Unfortunately, I called so early the surgeon wasn't actually at work yet, and spoke only to the receptionist. She's having an intern call me back later this afternoon with more information, and I tentatively made an appointment for the 12th of March. My brain is so busy in overload trying to work out solutions to this problem that I completely overlooked the fact that is the day I go in for my own surgery. I almost canceled it, before realizing the backlash I would receive from my mother and others about not having my cancer removed before dealing with Sahara. Hmmm.

Whilst I await his call, I'm still busy having a meltdown trying to work out what to do. The surgery will be a minimum of $2000 - money I don't have, and money that was going to be spent on moving my ass from the festering shithole of a situation I am currently in. Because I am an enormous drama queen, my first thoughts were simply "I can't do this". After having a good sleep, despite Sahara waking me up three times as she wasn't feeling well due the new anti-inflammatory and pain relief medication she's on, I was still practically ready to do myself in this morning. I'm finding it super difficult to find any sort of resolution to this, and as a result, it's making me want to curl in a ball and not wake up until it's all fixed - after having a massive strop, calling it quits with Cam and sulking about the fact I'm going to be forever indebted to Chef, naturally. I came pretty close to doing said strop, curl and sulk. Stuff like this makes me wonder why it is I think I can have those things I want - an amazing relationship with someone I love wholeheartedly, a new house where I'm not constantly referred to as 'fat' every day and guilt tripped each time I leave, and so on and so forth.

So, instead of focusing on that, I am currently on hold with someone who I think can - if not remotely help my current situation in regards to the cost of surgery - help out Sahara's mental state - and my own - in the meantime. A happy puppy makes for a slightly less hysterical Katie. If I can manage to pull this off this afternoon, I shall post photos of the outcome. Here's one to make y'all smile meanwhile.

"Aaaaargh! Another vet visit!'

1 comment:

Kat said...

You will pull through it. For yourself and Sahara. When it rains it pours but I am sure that one day you will get what you want and you deserve it.

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