Friday, July 25, 2008

Greatest Hits.

I started this post off under an entirely different guise. I started searching back through my blog so I could specifically link something, and somewhere along the way - and this will come as a big shock - I got sidetracked. I've ended up randomly reading some of my old posts, and hell, I crack me up. I was so busy giggling at some of the things that happened last year ( here ), crying over some others ( here ) and generally getting worried about how much I drink, that I realized I had to do a bit of a Best Of.

So, here goes...

On Randomness:
- "On a totally different tangent - why do the train station underpasses in Melbourne always smell like a herd of cattle with UTI's have passed through them?"

- "... every time I sniff myself, I want to eat my arm off".

- "If I met him in person, he'd make me want to don a rhinestone encrusted dress and sway around the room like I have insect life in my panties".

- "Other than the fact I look somewhat like a trashy crack whore with thunder thighs, it's a pretty good photo of all the crap in my lounge room".

- "I think it went down well, although I accidentally implied I receive money for taking my top off in public".

- "Which begs the question - who takes their children for an afternoon at the seaside, and gets their willy out?"

- "As I was procrastinating over my menu choice, my pretty new necklace someone how became lodged. In my Mac.... I nearly garotted myself with the bloody thing when I hung up.
How do I get myself into these situations? How? Why?"

- *spontaneously combusts with excitement*
"Everyone else - please ignore this post".

On Drinking:
- "I don't just drink with any random people, ya know; I liked this girl. I thought it was mutual".

- "Yesterday was The Wedding, and silly me did exactly as I planned, and got rip roaringly sloshed on a 4 litre cask of wine, a bottle of champagne and a kettle full of bacardi. (Yes. A kettle. At this stage, my ability to find a jug or other liquid dispensing device was limited)".

- "I was going to add photographic evidence of my drunken decline throughout the evening, but they're just too embarrassing. I tend to lean a lot the more I drink, and then I start squinting in an attempt to prove I'm not tipsy. Not hot".

- "But still. I had visions of quietly nursing my visit from the Hangover Fairy with a good book, some big sunglasses and a nice bottle of freshly squeezed juice, then drowning my sorrows (and possibly myself) in the ocean this afternoon, after a nice brunch in a water front cafe. Is that too much to ask?".

On Food and Dieting:
- "Usually, I am so excited by anything I fit into in a small I sprout a rosy glow and wear it with pride, thinking I've poured myself into an 8-10. I even took an array of XXS and XS in the changing room, but they were all extremely see through or made me look 5 months sperminated".

- "And I wondered for a few moments why this specific photo (thank you, google images!) was named 'legal brownies', and why there was a mint leaf on the plate. I'll admit it. My first thought was of how damn tasty Mint Baileys Irish Cream is. Followed closely by MMMM! Mint brownies!
...I think perhaps that sprig is of an altogether different species of plant".

- **devours the remaining American chocolate in a fit of emotional eating*
I sometimes think it's a miracle there's no hard liquor or illegal substances in my house".

- "Do clear icy poles - like lemonade flavor - have less calories than the red ones, simply because they have less color?".

Basil's Poem:
We who choose to surround ourselves with -
lives even more temporary than our own,
live within a fragile circle;
easily and often breached.
Unable to accept its awful gaps,
we would still live no other way.
We cherish memory as the only certain immortality,
never fully understanding the necessary plan.


Melisa said...

It's hilarious to read these quotes from your posts totally out of context. I think you may have started a totally new, time-consuming meme!

Prin said...

lol!! I like them. :D

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