Me + Stinkyness = Explosion.

As I hopped in the shower this morning, I waited for the hot water to warm up...and it never did. As a result, I have straggly, unwashed hair, and I smell with the power of many men.

Now, I like to think I don't have to rely on men too often, but when I called and asked why my hot water tank was being a bit of a bitch, I was informed I needed to relight the pilot light.

Stinky under arms and feral hair or not, there's no way I'm going near a gas tank with an open flame, no matter how 'easy and safe' I'm told it is.

This made me chortle.

more cat pictures

Greatest Hits.

I started this post off under an entirely different guise. I started searching back through my blog so I could specifically link something, and somewhere along the way - and this will come as a big shock - I got sidetracked. I've ended up randomly reading some of my old posts, and hell, I crack me up. I was so busy giggling at some of the things that happened last year ( here ), crying over some others ( here ) and generally getting worried about how much I drink, that I realized I had to do a bit of a Best Of.

So, here goes...

On Randomness:
- "On a totally different tangent - why do the train station underpasses in Melbourne always smell like a herd of cattle with UTI's have passed through them?"

- "... every time I sniff myself, I want to eat my arm off".

- "If I met him in person, he'd make me want to don a rhinestone encrusted dress and sway around the room like I have insect life in my panties".

- "Other than the fact I look somewhat like a trashy crack whore with thunder thighs, it's a pretty good photo of all the crap in my lounge room".

- "I think it went down well, although I accidentally implied I receive money for taking my top off in public".

- "Which begs the question - who takes their children for an afternoon at the seaside, and gets their willy out?"

- "As I was procrastinating over my menu choice, my pretty new necklace someone how became lodged. In my Mac.... I nearly garotted myself with the bloody thing when I hung up.
How do I get myself into these situations? How? Why?"

- *spontaneously combusts with excitement*
"Everyone else - please ignore this post".

On Drinking:
- "I don't just drink with any random people, ya know; I liked this girl. I thought it was mutual".

- "Yesterday was The Wedding, and silly me did exactly as I planned, and got rip roaringly sloshed on a 4 litre cask of wine, a bottle of champagne and a kettle full of bacardi. (Yes. A kettle. At this stage, my ability to find a jug or other liquid dispensing device was limited)".

- "I was going to add photographic evidence of my drunken decline throughout the evening, but they're just too embarrassing. I tend to lean a lot the more I drink, and then I start squinting in an attempt to prove I'm not tipsy. Not hot".

- "But still. I had visions of quietly nursing my visit from the Hangover Fairy with a good book, some big sunglasses and a nice bottle of freshly squeezed juice, then drowning my sorrows (and possibly myself) in the ocean this afternoon, after a nice brunch in a water front cafe. Is that too much to ask?".

On Food and Dieting:
- "Usually, I am so excited by anything I fit into in a small I sprout a rosy glow and wear it with pride, thinking I've poured myself into an 8-10. I even took an array of XXS and XS in the changing room, but they were all extremely see through or made me look 5 months sperminated".

- "And I wondered for a few moments why this specific photo (thank you, google images!) was named 'legal brownies', and why there was a mint leaf on the plate. I'll admit it. My first thought was of how damn tasty Mint Baileys Irish Cream is. Followed closely by MMMM! Mint brownies!
...I think perhaps that sprig is of an altogether different species of plant".

- **devours the remaining American chocolate in a fit of emotional eating*
I sometimes think it's a miracle there's no hard liquor or illegal substances in my house".

- "Do clear icy poles - like lemonade flavor - have less calories than the red ones, simply because they have less color?".

Basil's Poem:
We who choose to surround ourselves with -
lives even more temporary than our own,
live within a fragile circle;
easily and often breached.
Unable to accept its awful gaps,
we would still live no other way.
We cherish memory as the only certain immortality,
never fully understanding the necessary plan.

Good or bad, I am who I am because...

...of the following.

My mum. She's more like my sister, and has put up with endless amounts of crap over the years while still being my closest confidante. Horses. My biggest passion, and one which will never fade. For as long as I can recall, I've craved being around them. Phoenix & Sahara. For keeping my secrets, snuggling when it's cold, sharing my love of the beach and bringing me all sorts of new friends. Starbucks. My place to dream. I can sit for hours in the comfy chairs, and pretend to be an entirely different person under big sunnies, as I people watch and make up the lives of everyone who walks past. I have to limit how often I can do so it keeps the magic. Thirsty Merc. A song for every occasion, every occasion has a memory of a song. England. My second home, and a place that holds many memories of happy childhood stuff. Nothing compares to it. BB & Chicken. My oldest and closest friends. No matter how far apart we're flung these days, we can always pick up where we left off when we catch up. Pets. We always had rabbits and a dog growing up, and they shared all sorts of silly ideas, secrets and private jokes in the difficult times. Being tall. I was 5ft9 when I was 13, and always hated it. Now I feel proud I can stand taller than most girls (and quite a few guys), and I've learnt to love my long legs. My Nan. Her cooking and her stories are better than anyone elses. I always feel at home when I'm with her. Photos. We always had photos covering any spare inch of wall when I was growing up, and I keep that tradition now - except it's mainly on my phone and computer. I love being surrounded by great times. Cheese & Potato. I could quite happily eat it every day for the rest of my life. Dad. I'm stronger for not having one around, I think. The Beach. I feel incomplete unless I have sand under my toes, and I yearn for it no matter what time of year. Theres always treasure to find, dreams to be mulled over, and sunbaking to do. Alex. For loving me pretty much unconditionally, dealing with my shit and making me smile. That guy deserves a medal. Juno. I just fell in love with this movie. She's everything I want to be. Except pregnant, of course. Airports. Although I actually need to be sedated to step aboard a plane, there's an amazing energy at airports - the prospect of adventure is so exciting. Cups of Tea. Being British, it's genetically installed to fix any disaster. Chef. He kept me on my feet in my bubble of loneliness in England, and showed me a world I could never imagine once I returned. Orange and Cinnamon candles. Are the best from Ikea. No matter what time, I always have one burning. I just love the smell. Gordon Ramsay and Jamie Oliver. I was always fascinated by chefs, and there's something so fundamentally British about Jamie that makes me homesick. The Pedophile. Aside from the incidents themselves, the ensuing 5 years of court cases, beating beaten up daily and having to switch schools 3 times. losing my friends etc was actually worse. The only way I got over it was to realize that if I can survive that, I can get through anything. Driving. My freedom. Robbie Williams. When things get bad, jumping in the car, chucking a Robbie CD in and driving to the beach fixes the worst foul mood. His lyrics are amazing. Apple Mac. Once you go Mac, you never go back. The city.There's something so exciting, yet therapeutic about jumping on a train and seeing the sky scrapers loom closer. You can be as anonymous as you want in the city. Love Actually. This movie blew my mind, again and again. It's such a powerful message delivered in such commercial way. There's a quote for every moment in it, and it never fails to make me laugh. Ben. He gave me wings. Baths. Winter or Summer, my body yearns to be enveloped in warm water. It's my place to think, make decisions, and my haven to read. Reading. No matter what, I have to have text in front of me at breakfast. Whether it's the back of the milk carton or one of the ten books I take out from the library each week. It's thought provoking, exciting, life changing escapism.

I am, literally, too excited to type a subject.

I've blogged about them before.
I mentioned they were my all time favorite band.
That any time I hear a song of theirs, it will bring back countless of my favorite memories.
I've said that I listened to them non stop on my lone trip around England, and to me, they are the band that signifies my growing up.
This therefore means I know each, and every song, off by heart.
I have practically worn holes in both of their CD's - both of which are the only two discs I have actually bought in over three years.
They also have the pleasure of holding the title of singing My All Time Favorite Song.

(Which, funnily enough, doesn't work via Foxytunes. Grr. So I'll bang in some video's instead).

Thirsty Merc are touring Victoria. They are playing at two venues less than 10km from me.
I have goosebumps just thinking about it. As an indication of how deeply I love them: I've never been to a concert before. (Minus the high school get ups with semi-famous bands way back in the day). I'd never really wanted to. I kind of figured you had to either have dread-locks and not shave under your arms, or wear a lot of black, swear loudly and be excessively pierced.

The tickets are only $33.50. Thirty three dollars! I rushed online to buy them, clicked on '2' and then realized...

I have no one to go with. Since meeting Ben, who's just as big a fan as I am, and has, in fact taunted me with the fact he's met them before, I presumed I would share the experience with him.

That kind of died in the arse.

So, the question is - can I be strong enough to go it alone, and spend possibly the greatest night of my life listening to the greatest band in the world, or settle for less and drag along an unwilling third party with the potential to wreck my happy bubble with their incessant moaning and inability to have fun.

Decisions, decisions.

My song :)

I've got the grumbles.

I'm having a bad day. Not that anything has gone wrong, per se, I'm just feeling shitty and down, and moody and grumpy. A bad combination, wouldn't you agree?

And all for a heap of reasons, none of which really make any sense. I can hear myself being a bitch to people; I know my thought patterns today aren't very wholesome or good, yet I can't quite snap out of it. I'd like to put it down to sleep deprivation, but I've actually had a whole lot of zzz's, even though my dreams have been filled with not so nice things lately. I wouldn't call them nightmares as such, just really vivid dreams about things I'd rather not think about. And the same recurring horrible one involving The Pedophile and my father throwing knives at me from behind a couch in a creepily Sidekick Bob kind of way. Shudder.

So I haven't a lot to blog. I had a great weekend away, even though it made things a whole lot worse with Chef and I - something I actually didn't think was humanly possible - and as the dogs had such a wonderful time, they haven't made it out of bed yet. I'd feel mean dragging their exhausted arses to the beach when they're hardly able to walk without falling asleep, yet I feel the need to get away and not so much relax as...unwind. I need some sort of brain-fog clearing miracle that usually only sand under my feet or excessively speeding in my car while singing to Robbie Williams can give me.

I was meant to get my hair cut today, but I can't afford it. Instead I need to go buy leafy green vegetables and organic dead animals to gnaw on instead of my usual-of-late junk food, as Jamie Oliver's 'Eat To Save Your Life' series has scared me into a horrifying heath and fitness regime.

All I crave is chocolate.

I'm also shitty about the upcoming weekend. Chef's going to see his family for some sort of belated birthday dinner, and spending the weekend down there as he wants to go see some sort of four wheel driving competition going on. I'd said I wanted to go - and kind of do - as I love mud, big cars and throbbing engines as much as the next girl (or perhaps slightly more..) but due to my foul mood, I changed my mind and decided I'd attempt a guilt trip about the fact I never get to dress up. Seriously. I'm upset about the fact I spend my life in baggy jeans and slippers, covered in mud and with feral, uncut hair. Usually I can think of nothing better, but when it's dragging on to the 2nd year running since we've been out to dinner together or anything of the sort, it starts to piss me off I have no reason to wear any of the shoes I'm so addicted to buying.

And where did that leave me? Stuck at home alone all weekend with the dogs. A recurring theme to every other weekend when I can't have my own life as I have to baby sit my canine children. Sigh.

I'd really like to snap out of this soon, because the idea of selling all my shoes to fund my growing need for track pants and ugg boots is just not appealing.

Weekend Away footage.

The view from the house.

Roaring wood fire heater. Much needed.

Sahara paddling in the water. (My brother told me when I was little that the foam that washes up on beaches was actually all the dead sheep floating down from the abattoir. I believed him for years.)

The McTezz burgers we ate for lunch, complete with bacon, egg, pineapple, beetroot, onions, cheese, carrot, lettuce, capsicum and sauce. Drool.

Bruza.

Oh I do like to be beside the sea-side...

I'm just getting ready for my weekend away. The dogs are all packed, with their new coats, collars, flashing LED lights, glow sticks, bowls, food etc, and I'm still attempting to locate a pair of socks that match, let alone my thermals or a vaguely warm jumper. The forecast is for rain, cold and some more rain and cold. Hmm.

See you on Monday!

Monday Night Beach Walkies.

My beautiful girl.

View of the pier from my car.

One day I shall own one of these.

Chef & I @ sunset.

Kisses from my man :)

Happy Birthday!

- H a p p y 25th C h e f -

A short montage of memories from October 2003 to today.

It sure has been a while.

Here's why...

Friday:I attended a friend of Sarah and Tezz's going away party. In short, I had a wonderful time, probably due to the amount - and mixture - of alcohol I drank. Needless to say, I had a rather painful visit from the Hangover Fairy Saturday morning, much to Chef's amusement. I say 'amusement' and ignore 'sympathy', as he even went so far as leaving the heater on all morning so I could cook in my own juices and he knew I was in no state to get up and turn it off. Meanie.

One of the more tame photographs from Friday night.

Saturday: After turning down Sarah's kind invitation to walk from her house to mine with the dogs (a good 10km) as I was still vile headed and acidic and trying to stop all the bits of machinery in my head from clunking around, I lost all my nerve to be able to say no to anyone and agreed to go bike riding. I was hoping she meant at around 4pm when I had a chance to not feel like the walking dead, but alas, I soon poured myself into some clothes and out the door I headed. Phoenix discovered a man flying model aeroplanes, and he seems to find them far superior in enjoyment than chasing rabbits, so we lost him for a few minutes as he joyously chased the thing metres underneath, going around in circle after circle after circle...

Sunday: Still feeling slightly worse for my ordeal Friday night, I was bundled into the car and off we drove to Chef's mothers house for lunch. I actually had a really nice time, and a beautiful lunch, and we stayed and chatted for hours before heading back to the dogs.

Monday through Wednesday: I have no recollection. Hmmm.

Thursday: I bundled Chef and the kids in the car, and we drove down to my mothers for a visit. We were both extremely tired and cold, and we didn't actually do anything much down there, except consume vast amounts of tea, chat and play games. I took Cleo down with me on my mothers request, and received some strange looks from fellow road users when they noticed her sitting on my knee's with her paws on the dash, looking out the window. Mostly she curls up in the back with the dogs, and sleeps the journey away. While we were down by the beach, Chef and I did a spot of shopping, and I found The Most Amazing Skirt. I simply walked in the store, and was magically, magnetically drawn to this skirt... I then practically sobbed when I realized how far away pay day was.

Chef's birthday helicopter. I can't believe this thing made it through the day, what with Sahara attempting to eat it at every opportunity and Cleo developing some sort of Catty-Anti-Aircraft scheme because it's getting more attention than she is.

Friday: A fabulous miracle occurred. I got my car back! I got it towed to a mechanics in the morning, and a few hours later... ta dah! My little De-Fib is all good and pretty again :) Something to do with the ignition coil and plugs... Chef also got the final two problems of his car fixed, so we're both back in business and have a massive weight off our shoulders lifted. We also had a house inspection, so we cleaned manically and removed all traces of Sahara's flying tumble-weeds of hair she lovingly creates each day, only for them to be rollin' all around the house again the next morning. Honestly, I could knit a jumper for a small child each and every day from the amount my own child moults. Friday night involved late night shopping with Seah, as we *gasp* missed Thursday night as I was at Mum's. And..I found my skirt! I walked into the first shop and had the same, magical and magnetic pull towards this skirt...I am proud to say I will be picking it up Wednesday, along with an amazing red dress. There will be pictures, I assure you.

Ahh, Late Night Shopping. How I love you, and your hideous creations.

Saturday: We were up at 5am and on our way to the Queen Victoria Market by 6. (I was lured out of bed with the promise of a hot jam donut breakfast, and I was not disappointed). Soon we were filling up the trolley with various bits of carcass (mine was mainly for the dogs, but we did get some great deals on mince, chicken and things that aren't as creepy as, let's say, steak). I also got a whole sardine for Cleo, who devoured it last night as we were eating dinner. We also went to the deli section and I purchased my ultimate, all time favorite cheese, King Island Surprise Bay Cheddar, and some lovely triple cream Brie, too. We stocked up on pesto's and dips, all of which came to good use last night...

We came home and had a sleep, then took the dogs to the park to wear them out (and get them covered in Bog, see here).

Afterwards, Derek went to dinner and Gold Class with the boys, while I headed to Sarah's with the dogs to watch chick flicks, drink champagne and eat lots of lovely junk food for girls night. I ended up leaving quite early as I was still knackered from the early start, and added the finishing touches to wrapping Chef's presents ready for..

Sarah and I made friends with the staff at the Market, and they in turn gave us some golden photo opportunities. And a free sardine.

Sunday: Chef's birthday. We woke up early so he could open his presents, then bummed around as it was so cold outside. We watched a new episode of Top Gear, then I took my lovely beasty De-Fib for a drive, and went to Petstock. I ordered Sahara a new pink coat, and a new pink collar to match Phoenix's, as I know how jealous she gets. Then we headed to our favorite local beach, and it was absolutely beautiful - all choppy with lots of foamy white wash for Sahara to play in, and we had the beach all to ourselves. There was hundreds of jelly fish and octopussy's washed up, which are really creepy as they're an amazing glowing blue color. On the way home, just as I had driven off, Sahara started going into a fit and jumping all over the car, and Chef yelled at me to pull over - he never yells, so I was quite shocked, and therefore practically went into hysterics myself - and as soon as he opened the door she ran off, jumping and almost flipping over, trying to bite her back foot. I can't even begin to describe how frantic she was, she looked demented with pain and I felt so useless not being able to help her. We ended up wrestling her to the muddy, wet ground and I poured water over her leg to calm her down, trying to work out what the problem might be. I scoured the car looking for white tail spiders, but found nothing, and I called Sarah to ask for the vet's number and any suggestions for what to do, when Chef found a barb in her pad. I can only imagine it was from a sea anenome, and it was so lucky it didn't break off in her pad when Chef eventually got it out. She calmed down quite quickly, and we again got back in the car. She seems perfectly all right now, just a little down. It all sounds like rather an anti-climax, but my goodness, was I scared when I thought she was having an Epileptic fit, or was being eaten alive by venomous spiders.

My lovely apple pies.

For Derek's birthday, I decided to cook a roast, and boy, did I. I've never really done any of the cooking before - I usually do a little, and usually only easy stuff - but last night I decided to channel Ramsay and do chicken breast rolls, stuffed with tomato and capscium petsto, oozing with brie, rolled in prosciutto. I don't think I speak for myself here, Tezz - and please, back me up - but for my first attempt at ever cooking chicken, let alone touching the revolting stuff, I did extremely well. And the puff pasty lattice apple pies weren't shabby, either :)

...so all in all, I've had a rather great week!

brothers, kittens and sunny day smiles.

Last night, whilst enjoying the benefits of Late Night Shopping, Seah and I were going to print out some photos, and funnily enough, got completely and utterly side tracked trying on (mostly absolutely hideous) new outfits. I was having a gander at the CD she was going to print from this afternoon, and found some fabulous photos... and here they are. Enjoy!

Sahara perfecting her happiest squinty smile.

Phoenix being his usual anal retentively clean self.

Cleo telling me, quite plainly the first time I met her that she'll be my devoted life long slave, so long as I keep her in clean kitty litter and let her skin my toes as a wake-up call.

She really was that small! (and I really was that tanned!)

The extended family - Mac, Sahara (in all her understated elegance) and Bruza fight for attention, while Phoenix lurks in his dark and mysteriously broody way.

The boys, and a little of Sahara's nose - I never noticed Bruza's bum chin! (And yes, Phoenix's nose has nearly all healed up).

"My ears are bigger!"
"No...mine are!"
Bruza and Phoenix do their best Starving Dog impression.

My new favorite blog.

All I have to say is...LoL!


Check it.

Passive/Aggressive much?

This was on the windshield of my car this morning. I am unimpressed to say the least. Once I counted back, the dogs have been left unattended for no more than 8 hours in a 6-7 week gap. 8 hours! If it's a matter of barking, I stated to my neighbors from the first day I moved in that I would like to be told if they made any noise, as obviously I would be oblivious when I was out. But no! Just a passive aggressive note so I feel bad when I dare leave the house. Bad Katie.


... Did I mention I am unimpressed?

I'm in love.

...with $8.98

Why, oh why, can I not live in America?

Missing? Me? No...just shoppin' the blues away. See?

The pretty new valve caps for my car :)

My tacky new necklace and some of my new earrings.

Nail polish and my pretty new ring.

Ebay bargain shoes, my new phone and new pug undies.

Three of my new necklaces. I'm totally digging the one of the left with the shirt dress I bought, too :)

...I'm off out again tonight. Late night shopping! Whoo Hoo!